The Day of Calm AKA 12-20-2009

As you'll notice I've been in and out and for good reason, too. I met someone and for a split second thought 'JUST MAYBE' but then several things became VERY clear--1) He took me to his house and I swear I felt like I was Neicy Nash stepping inside of a house on the show Clean House. The killer part of it all is the previous night he said he'd spent the ENTIRE day cleaning! Seriously? 2) The next day I call him and tell him I'll be ready in 20 minutes to go to the Mall of America. He tells me he's so hungry that he's on his way--which is fine because it should take him roughly 15-20 minutes to get to my hotel. He arrives to my hotel looking exactly like he just rolled out of bed...sleep on his face, the whole 9...and tells me he's so hungry he just barely brushed his teeth...and then we drive to the freaking Mall of America. Did I mention that this place is huge? Do I have to? So by now you understand that we have spent no less than 7-8 hours there and the entire time I can't shake the fact that this dude hasn't had a shower nor has he washed his face and don't even think of asking for a bite of my fish tacos! (He did and can you believe he expected a kiss goodnight as he dropped me off at my hotel? Again, seriously?) Anyway, I wait to get back to the safety of my city...after all MN is known as the state of 10,000 lakes before I make it clear I have no interest in his video game addicted hygiene phobia self and move on, alas, to Tadashi...we shall see how this saga unfolds. Meanwhile, I have just completed a wonderful mind altering 20 minute session of fun yoga. What, you ask, is fun yoga? Fun yoga is where you are doing yoga poses but instead of being wrapped up in the seriousness of what you're doing, you're reflecting on the most comedic moments in your life...or others lives...try it and let me know how you like it.

Love,
ACS

Halloween

So, I was stuck on jury duty for awhile but I'm back now! Here's the quickie: Slim N Six ROCKS! The guy Steve? Hmm, his voice is just a bit too feminine for me. I don't doubt his masculinity per se, but it's really difficult for me to constantly hear his voice. And "S" is SO out of the picture...yes, you've heard me say it before but this time is for real. I think I need to be totally single for a minute...not focusing so much on guys right now. I am thinking to just perfect my ultimate body and enjoy my life right now. If 'the one' comes along perfect, if not...that would be so uncool. We shall see.

Love and Charms,

ACS

B-DAY

So, of the 40 I was aiming for 5 have been lost...an old flame has come back suddenly looking for "friendship" "S" and I either had a major break through last night or a major blow to our very own situation...and me and R are well, I don't know. He tells me he has to fly out to India...on my birthday, but changes the flight to the next day, which is cool. I come home and there is a BEAUTIFUL set of stargazer lillies waiting for me. (My favorite) as well as other gifts...he knows what to do to keep me THERE. No, it wasn't the fact he gave gifts, just the TYPE of gifts...personal and thoughtful, proof he's paid attention all these years. Whatever to do?

One Prospect...

So, I have a very valid reason for not giving you this update sooner, rather than later...there is a potential mate. Oh and since I've blogged, I've had 3 potentials: one was quickly shot down, the second took a day or so and I shot the 3rd one down today. First, back up, I had one of the most irritating blind meetings ever. I told him to meet me at a Half Price Book Store and we would go from there. He's like, 'Come over' umm what? We meet up and instantly, I feel ready to vomit due to the overwhelming smell of cigarettes and beer. He tells me he had a few beers to relax after work...."how many beers exactly" I asked. "Six" WOW...what can I say? He's trying to kiss me and tell me he wants me to come to his house blah blah and did I mention the picture posted on his profile must have been 17 years old? Okay, maybe not 17 but probably 5!

On to this new guy....details will come soon. Maybe I will have something to say this weekend...and in the meantime, yes, I am scheduled to see "S" tomorrow just for...coffee.

Love and Light,

ACS

So Kill Me!

During this brief hiatus, I have faithfully done my yoga, walking AND searching. I've discovered a lot about, well, moi! Okay, so "S" totally ticked me off and was advised that the "friendship" wouldn't continue from my end...instead of jumping at the chance to beg for my forgivness, he allows not 1, not 2 but 4 days to go by without communicating with me. Of course during this time not only was the number deleted from my phone, BUT also removed from my Sim card, so you know I was serious, right? Anyway, I get the text asking if I'm no longer communicating and of course, yours truly is cool as a cucumber...my feels regarding our friendship have officially changed from 'OMG, this is great' to 'Yea, whatever'...and the person I feel is my forever forever, is trying to get back in good graces with me....hence the beautiful Italian photo. I hope you can now see why it's been a few days, okay weeks, since I've blogged...don't judge me!

Love and Light,
ACS

Tuesday...Mourning...Somewhat

I know it's been since like, the 3rd since we've communicated, but hey, I just haven't been in the mood to write out all these emotions! It's been almost 4 full days since "S" and I have spoken, which is fine...technically, but something in me is really tripping over the fact that he has yet to make an effort to reach out to me. I am like, 'How can you NOT want to talk to me?' I know that sounds incredibly vain, but I honestly don't mean it in that way. I am just over here like 'are you really that rude and inconsiderate?' Oh well, I know I shouldn't deal with him anyway...and why did I get a blast from the past the other evening from someone that I SO don't even want to even look at? Oh, well, at least this picture of sexy Sydney beach is beautiful!

Love and Light,

ACS

Well, the last time you heard from me was on Sunday. I've perfected my body during this time period by the Indian dancing I prev told you about, as well as my daily walking and yoga. I was so peeved with "S" last night and expressed as much...letting him know that I feel like EVERYTHING is always on his terms, ect. He didn't appreciate me telling him that I feel like he's being selfish and the 'base' in my voice when expressing it. I called him this morning and we spoke for exactly 43.8 minutes, discussing last night's conversation and what we're going to do or NOT do for that matter going forward. I think I was cool with saying whatever and calling it a day, but then I saw him in the elevator and man, oh man, did my feelings of desire just boil over for him! What to do, what to do?

Love and Light,

ACS

Sunday

So I did this ULTIMATE Indian Dance today that blasted a good 250 calories in 30 minutes. Prior to that, I did a good 30 minutes of power walking and I cooled down with a 10 minute bike ride. I spoke with someone VERY special for over an hour today and nope, it wasn't "S"--although I attempted to call him and got his voicemail. Oh well, what the heck can I say? At least I got a major workout today!

Love and Light,

ACS

Why are weekends so short?

Is it normal to get so completly irritated with people you really love? I am not talking about the boy/girl kind of love, but the friendship kind. I don't know if it's just me or if something is actually going on. Am I changing? Why are all these people suddenly driving me insane in the membrane? Maybe it is just me and I need to reevaluate how I feel about myself and ask the important questions, like 'Why is this upsetting me?' 'Is this worth losing a good friend?' My horoscope advised I would reconnect with the past right? (FYI I don't BELIEVE them, but sometimes its kinda ironic to read it and be like, wait, that is spot on!) And guess what? A friend called me that I have been successfully avoiding for the last several months due to the fact whenever this friend calls me, she LOADS me down with all the freaking drama and issues going on in her life...and these are the SAME issues that exisited for several years now and quite frankly, I'm tired of them. What to do? Sleepy time now!

Light A Spark In Your Own Life,

ACS

PS-Enjoy Kyoto

TGIF

It seems that things are reverting back to normal between "S" and I, despite having a good time yesterday. It's like if I cut him off for a few days, he gets his act together just long enough for me to get excited and then, boom...right back to reality. (I worked on perfecting my body by eating a salad for dinner!) I chose this particular photo of bamboos so that I can somehow summon their energy in my own life. Bamboo is one of the strongest elements and can be made into just about anything. My horoscope said I shouldn't go all the way today in some endeavor which makes me feel like I should have read it before starting my day! Ahh well!

Light and Love,

Amber

Confusing Day...

Isn't this flower beautiful? Well, after 6 1/2 long days, I broke down and called "S" and he didn't answer--total disappointment. I even txted my girlfriends for moral support! Well, I end up seeing him and I continued walking as if I DIDN'T see him as he was so wrapped up on his cell, he stopped me and we chit chatted for a brief second and shared an elevator together where we hugged. I feel so redeemed now, like I have the upper hand again! (I did a power blast walk that neared 30 minutes...possibly will complete 1 session of yoga but honestly, this Chilean wine has me feeling kind of tipsy already.) What will tomorrow bring?

Enjoy The Light While You Can,

ACS

It HAS to be Sunny and Bright in Manila

Today started off just like every other day--rushed and random at the same time. I haven't even thought about perfecting my body at all. I don't know why but this photo I've posted really captures the mood I've been in for the majority of the day. Buried deep within, I had a small hope that "S" would have reached out and contacted me by now either by phone or txt message, but nope, not a word and its been 5 1/2 full days. Each day I'm sure will get easier and eventually, this person will be so far removed from my mind I won't even flutter at the mention of his name. It was weird bc today it seemed as if I was on a mission to FIND him in some manner. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't blowing up his phone or riding around town looking crazy, just wondering what he was doing...every 5 minutes. I couldn't focus on much--did I mention I almost had a wreck today? Moving right along, remember the guy I thought was super cute a few days ago--like back on Friday? Went to church tonight and guess what? He's as married as married can be--two kids and all. I wasn't disappoineted, though...even though in my mind I allowed all the possibilities to form. Now, I can focus my thoughts on other things. Will I perfect my body and have the perfect husband anytime soon? I wish I knew...I'll be good with perfecting this hot body first!

Light Despite The Darkness,

ACS

August 25,2009-AKA Tuesday

I don't profess to know much about wine, but I DO know enough about it to go and purchase a bottle...or two. I decided to be a bit experimental tonight and opted for a wine from Argentina. It's chilling right now so I won't be able to let you know how it is just yet. I splurged a bit on the Italian merlot...more than I anticipated. Today I didn't focus on my ultimate body or that great husband...I just focused on me--because I felt like TOTAL crap. (Sidenote, Daniel is SO NOT IT for me. Can we say total goofball? He called me around 11:14pm last night and again around 1:30 in the morning and finally sent a txt message 15 minutes after 2am asking why am I ignoring him? Umm, hello? How about I was sleep and how about you shouldn't be calling me that late any dang way?) Oh and today marks day number for 4 since I've had any communication with "S"--it's okay but I wonder, is he thinking about me at all? Have I even crossed his mind once...or twice?

Love and Light,

ACS

PS--Enjoy Laos

Monday--

I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders...literally. I went to the doctor and she gave me a prescription that I've yet to take to the pharmacy, but I honestly have very good reasons for this--1, it was just SO hot outside and I didn't want to be out any longer than necessary and 2-I didn't feel like being bothered with my local pharmacy. I talked with Daniel last night and although rather dorky, he is nice...I guess. I'm not feeling that immediate chemistry, like 'Wow, I could marry him or see myself having multiple dates with him,'I don't know if I am just passing time or what. Oh, and I think Tada requested my hand in marriage so he can become a US citizen--how lame is that? He's all like 'I want us to get married but we need to have more communication so it doesn't seem suspect when I apply for a fiance visa,' Hmm, sounds questionable, right? Oh, I made the ultimate French dessert--crepes w/ nutella and white chocolate w/ raspberries and bananas. How sexy is that?

Wish You Could Taste It,

Love and Light--

ACS

End of the week..or beginning (Sunday)

I was totally blessed by the message presented at church this morning. (FYI, I saw the guy from Friday evening and I so wanted to say something, anything, to him but didn't have the courage to do so! I am going to make a point IF I see him next weekend at church, or heck, even this Wednesday night at prayer service. I promise to let you know how it goes!) Only physical activity planned for today will be yoga...which I did do a couple of breathing and standing poses earlier but somehow that doesn't count as a yoga session as it didn't even last 5 minutes.)

Love and Light,

AC

Work it Out!

OMG, I went to an EXTREME workout this morning at my church! I thought the aerobics class would breeze by, I mean, afterall, I HAVE been walking and doing yoga daily for awhile now! Why was I huffing and puffing just during the warm up? Anyway, after an hour and 15 minutes of that maddness, I came home and rode my bike up and down the street for about 10 minutes--and before you start judging me, keep in mind the street I live on is quite heely so when I was going upheel, it was a major burn. It's my plan to do a minimum of 30 minutes of yoga sometime today...goal is one hour but I can already tell you that will be a struggle..especially since 30 minutes seems like a stretch at this moment. I cheated a bit and ate some blue bell ice cream...but I don't even feel bad for doing it! By the way, I'm TOTALLY over "S" and I feel kind of good about it. Why did I see this super hot guy at church the other day? He's all praying for ME and I am thinking 'Wow, he's so cute!' I wonder........................

Ignore Your Horoscope!

Love and Light,

AC

Friday...Day of Mourning

I've been an emotional roller-coaster ALL day. I think it started with this unexpected thunderstorm we experienced early this morning. I LOVE it when it rains but I just wasn't expecting it at 3am while laying in the bed...wondering if I left my windows cracked (which I did and now my car has the slight pungent smell of mildew, thank you very much.) Then? I see "S" and if I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was trying to avoid me or at the very least, acting very odd. He asked 'How was your vacation?' as if we haven't talked for the last several days. WTH? I couldn't stop thinking about that for the entire day--so much so I was so pissed off I gorged myself on a slice of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake--YES ME! Ms. Lactose Intolerant! Then I was ticked off that that cheesecake slice consisted of my lunch so I ordered a Venti Zen tea without any sweetener (as always) I was hoping that somehow the zen tea would have a calming effect on me. And yes, I did a few yoga poses in Barnes and Nobles bathroom!

Totally Frazzled,

Amber Chalon

Oh yea..........

My horoscope was so wrong--it said I was going to meet someone of interest today. Is it better to read your horoscope in the morning or in the evening? Not like I believe any of that crap...but sometimes its interesting to read how closely it resembles my current day. Enjoy the picture of Baguio!

Lightness,

Amber Chalon

Thursday...of all days

I woke up this morning...later than expected. My goal was to ride a good 10 minutes do an hour of yoga and begin my day. I woke rushed into the shower and grabbed (don't judge me!) 3 pieces of crisp salty sweet bacon and a V8 for breakfast. (In my defense I did have steamed veggies and 3oz of salmon for lunch) I was totally prepared to see and ignore "S" today...I didn't see him but did receive an "accidental" email which naturally prompted me to write 'Was this for me?'--apologized and advised to check my phone for a txt shortly. The txts were just basic 'How's it going' crap but eventually led to us trying to define what exactly we are to one another and where do we go from this point. Truth be told, I still don't know. How can I be totally in love with someone and feel an attraction to someone else? (In case you're wondering I DID kill a good 17 minutes going UPHEEL and a nice 30 minute yoga session.) He did make it very clear he wants me--but in what way? That remains to be seen...and why in the world is an old flame (from 2 years ago) calling and trying to get together like we didn't end on bad terms? What in the world to do?

Light Never Fails,

Amber Chalon

Old World Mind

I did meet someone named Daniel--slight potential but to be only 27 he has signs of communism that ring so clearly in his conversations. I don't know, he was born and raised in a communist country so his mind frame could just be left over residue from his experiences as a child and seeing what his family dealt with. He talked non-stop about how he hates the corporate mind set (it certainly isn't in my top 5 favorite things, either, but it isn't something I just speak about at random, either.) Maybe he's just pissed off at his boss...who knows? I'll give him a few more chances at conversation and if it's still about the same thing...no love lost. (Just did an additional 17 minutes on the bike with my iPOD blasting in my ears...I'm no Mariah Carey but from the way I was yelling and singing, you would certainly think I thought I was! My neighbors just smiled at me in polite consideration...I'm sure they thought I was crazy or tone deaf...more than likely they thought I was crazy.)

Love and Light,

Amber Chalon

So It's Wednesday...again, which happens 2b Day 4

The only thing worth mentioning is that I rode a bike for a total of 24 minutes and did exactly 5 minutes of Yoga...big wow, right? Yea, I'm rather proud, too. (Side note, why is it that I can't get these darn photos to post on here? I'd like you to have SOME visuals!) Maybe you can tell I'm a bit irritated? Even though I was the one who initiated haulting my friendship w/ "S" I am not ready for him to be ready for me to just walk out of his life like this. I mean, HELLO? Wasn't he suppose to call me a few times and try to get me to change my mind? Its been exactly 31 hours since I told him we needed to chill...no txt...no call...no email...wth? And I have the JOY of possibly seeing him tomorrow...I am kinda think that that is all that needs to happen...he will see me and remember just what he's missing out on. Okay, I am about to mount this bike again and try to kill a minimum of 10 minutes before the sun goes down.

Darkeness Is My Current Mood,

Amber Chalon

Day 3

I got on a bike this morning for all over 2 minutes...and yes, it was JUST in the backyard (which is massive, might I add) but the point is, I DID IT! It was totally fun, too. For those two minutes I pictured myself going to either White Rock Lake or Joe Pool Lake and riding along the trails, while the wind blew against my face and smelling the fresh, yet earthy smell of the lake. The idea of falling and getting my perfect legs scratched quickly turned me off from that idea, though. Oh, I decided this morning to put the breaks on the "friendship" I've developed with "S"--is it wrong to end things via voicemail or txt message? I hope not--hopefully he will get it because although I DID decide to pump the breaks...am I really ready to allow him to allow me to just walk out of his life like that? Hopefully he will come to the realization I'm the best thing in his life since the invention of the rice cooker.

Light,

Amber Chalon

Totally Peeved

Okay, so I didn't do the MOST constructive thing considering my October 17th goal--I went to MAX and Cheese SPECIFICALLY for the BBQ Beef topped mac and cheese...and then I went to Paciugo and had a SMALL gelato w/ 3 blended flavors and an lemon san pellegrino...sheer southern bliss mixed with an Italian flair...in my defense, the ONLY thing I'd eaten prior was a breakfast sandwich consisting of bacon and a double fiber whole weat English muffin. I get a call from "S" giving me this sad sob story about his depressing day and how a family member was in need and how he couldn't make it blah blah blah...so he makes promises for tomorrow, all the while telling me how it is difficult to talk to me when I'm being rude...whatever. I have the right to be rude when I am disappointed/disgusted, right? We shall see tomorrow what happens even though I think you and I BOTH know how it will go down....

Harmony,

Amber Chalon

Day Two

So my morning didn't start exactly as planned...I had a TERRIBLE dream of some deranged man hell bent on killing ME...it was like he had a passion for it. The only good thing about my dream was the weather. It was mid October, very windy and just a bit chilly, which is a relief compared to the current hot, blood drenching weather we currently have. Anyway, my plan was to begin a 30 minute walk exactly at 6:30am and follow it up with a 30 minute session of yoga. I didn't get OUT of bed until closer to 9am but I DID do 30 minutes of yoga, focusing on the exalted warrior...but I was more of the EXHAUSTED Warrior today. I did EXACTLY 33 minutes of power walking. My only confession? I broke down and called "S" against common sense. What happend? Exactly what I thought...he would apologize for not returning my phone calls, say sweet things and ask me to go to dinner tonight...I would accept and later regret it. Although later isn't here, I know one of 2 things will happen--1) something will come up forcing him to cancel at the last minute (likely to happen tonight) or 2) we WILL get together and I'll have a great time setting the stage up for disappointment later during the week...I'll let you know how it goes.

Light,

Amber Chalon

Day One

So, I've never done this before but I feel the need to. By the way, it is exactly 12:06am, August the 17th, 2009. I am starting my realistic journey to reach the perfect body...well, my perfect body and quite possibly the perfect husband. Short term goal? 17lbs lost by the 17th of October and 5 dates. Ultimate goal? A total loss of 40lbs and one perfect engagement by October 17, 2010...so this gives me just over one year to accomplish everything. During this time I will dedicate myself to 'preparing' myself for the perfect body (Hello Summer 2010!) as well as perfecting (or creating) my domestic skills. Not only will I train for at least one mini marathon, but I will move beyond cooking chicken adobo and eggs. So, each day will be dedicated to creating something new--whether that is creating a longer walking route or even spaghetti (yes, its true I've never made it before!) Let's see how this journey begins...and ends.......